The thought of decluttering mementos and keepsakes can be difficult, especially if you are the sentimental type. We hold on to things, many that belonged to others, loved ones, and allow those things to carry meaning. The truth is we give those things meaning. But, there are a few questions that you can ask yourself that may make it easier to let go. How does it make you feel? Are the memories good?
This morning, I opened an email from my minimalist mentors, The Minimalists. It was titled Memories.
As I read through the synopsis of their newest episode of The Minimalists Podcast, I saw that they were discussing sentimental mementos and how to determine what items are appropriate to keep.
A few “caller” questions were:
- Should I hold on to sentimental mementos, like a wedding dress, in case my children may want them someday?
- How do I find the strength to let go of my deceased parent’s belongings?
Their discussion triggered me to recall this memory that is burned into my mind:
Four Boxes
It was finally over.
It had been five long weeks, and five long years;
five weeks since I had been 200 miles from home,
trying to help during my best friend’s last days on this earth.
It had been five years since the beginning.
The diagnosis: breast cancer.
The day after she passed, I packed my things to leave town and return home.
Her husband, needing a few of her drawers to make room for their little girl’s clothing,
asked if I wanted to take them, and loaded about four boxes into the backseat of my car.
When I got home, I put them in the garage.
Dauntingly, I looked at them for weeks that turned into months and finally, a year.
At that point, I hadn’t touched them; I didn’t know what to do with them. Couldn’t deal with it.
I asked a mutual friend and mourner if she would help me figure out what to do with it all.
Jana made the five-hour trip along the coast for a weekend dedicated to closure.
As we went through the four boxes, we came across her double mastectomy bras.
Those were the padded bras that would prove to the world that she was still a woman.
She never wore them.
And now I was pondering what to do with them.
For some reason, I gave them some hallowed meaning.
Maybe her daughter would want them someday?
I still remember asking Jana, “What should I do with these? Do you want one?”
I was feeling generous in sharing such a personal item. Jana said to me:
“Why in the world would you want to hold on to those? Give them away! Give them to someone else who can use them.”
She added, “That kind of thing holds bad memories. Why would you want to conjure up those feelings every single time you see that?”
Jana
Her thoughts on letting go of things weren’t in my awareness.
I was more sentimental than that. Things held memories. Value.
But that weekend, Jana helped me to let go of the contents of all four boxes.
SAVE SOMETHING SMALL – KEEP IT SACRED
I did keep one sacred thing: a tiny black tankini that reads “warrior” in bright white letters.
She wore it with pride and no bra.
I keep it, with a few other small memories, in a dedicated drawer of my jewelry chest. How often do I open the drawer? Rarely.
Why? Because it’s extremely painful.
But it has its place, and I’m choosing to keep it for now.
It’s a small, concise, and honored space.
It’s not four boxes.
It’s deliberate, and it’s okay.
A New Mindset on Decluttering your Stuff
Jana planted a seed that day. One that developed and grew.
“Why do I want to hold onto things that carry sad memories?”
I started applying it to other things, possessions that were much less emotional.
Like, I remember once, while cleaning my closet, I found a dress I had bought specifically for a wedding.
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My self-talk went something like this:
“There’s that dress I only bought for the “X” wedding. The dress reminds me of the wedding. Do I want to remember that wedding and how I felt that day? How did I feel in that dress? Will I ever wear it again? Do I want to wear it again?”
My response:
“I didn’t like how I felt wearing that dress, and I remember feeling uncomfortable. I don’t really want a reminder of the wedding either.”
Didi
Think about it. . .
The dress brings up memories and feelings whenever I look at it.
If I don’t like the memory or the feeling, why keep it?
(By the way, I gave the dress to the Goodwill. I can barely remember what it looked like. No memory, no feeling.)
Ask yourself these questions to help You let go of Sentimental Clutter
So the next time you’re trying to declutter anything, ask yourself these two questions:
- HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL?
- ARE THE MEMORIES GOOD?
conclusion
Getting rid of piles of sentimental clutter will likely be emotional and complex. But if you’re ready to brave the task, whether it’s past relationship clutter, inherited hand-me-downs, or even just a dress, ask yourself these questions:
How does it make you feel?
Are the memories good?
If they’re not,
let it go.