Anyone who has kids will tell you that parenting isn’t easy. You want to give your kids a pleasant life and one thing is for sure; you don’t want to feel like all you do is nag at them.
This is especially true for people who co-parent. When you only get to see your kids every other week, you want your time with them to be perfect. Well, you know it isn’t going to be perfect, but . . . you want to try.
But, as you can imagine, transitions are tough! Your home life has been pretty quiet for the last week. Finally, they’re back. You come home from work and it’s time to cook dinner, do homework, and all of that good stuff.
Then, it’s bedtime: you look around and see blankets on the floor, games on the coffee table, and empty drinking glasses sprawled throughout the house! That can be pretty overwhelming!
So, what do you do? You learn how to be a ‘house manager’! I’ll show you how to start in four easy steps with my tried and true parenting methods.
Tip #1 – Weekly Family Meetings
Okay, you may not feel like the managerial type, but there’s no question, you have to be in charge!
Kids are kids! They aren’t going to just start helping on their own! Even teenagers! They need guidance, and that’s your job.
Weekly family meetings are a great way to bring the family together to work as a team. The benefits of family meetings are numerous.
THE WHY – FAMILY MEETINGS
- Family meetings create family cohesiveness, closeness, and a team spirit.
- Getting your kids involved in decision-making helps them to feel more in control, like their voice matters.
- Daily issues that come up can be addressed at the meetings.
- New household rules can be discussed.
- Exciting future goals and plans can be discussed.
- Activities for the following week can be planned ahead.
- Family meetings empower each child by taking turns being in charge of running the meeting.
THE HOW – FAMILY MEETINGS
- Rotate the meeting leader, if desired.
- Let the kids brainstorm and come up with a plan or a solution for issues. Kids will be more likely to follow through with a plan that they created.
- Have a suggestion box for suggestions for monthly scheduled family meetings.
- Meet consistently, once a week (or every other week if single-parenting on a 50/50 plan) at the same time.
- Include snacks and make it fun.
- Start when the kids are little with short meetings and easy topics. Adjust as kids get older.
Tip #2 – MAKE A FAMILY VALUES MISSION STATEMENT
The first item on the family meeting agenda is to decide on a values-based mission statement for your family. This step is so important because it sets the foundation of your home life.
Over the years, my kids have told me, usually via birthday cards and mother’s day cards (which I cherish,) how much their morals and values have influenced who they are as human beings and adults.
HELP YOUR KIDS FORM THEIR MORALS AND VALUES
Helping kids form their moral identity is a major part of parenting. It’s extremely powerful and important.
Of course, how you behave and model your own behavior in front of them will also have a huge impact.
How do you want the vibe of your home to feel?
HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:
How does it FEEL in your HOME?
Do your kids feel SAFE at HOME?
Do they LOVE being HOME?
Is it their SAFE SPACE?
Is it a PEACEFUL HOME?
Or, by contrast,
is it CHAOTIC? MESSY?
Is there a lot of YELLING?
Is it STRESSFUL?
It is extremely important to provide a safe and loving environment for your kids to grow up in. As the parent, you can set your own personal intention for how you want to parent, but the kids can also have a say.
FAMILY VALUES MISSION STATEMENT – HOW
- Make a list of values that are important to you and discuss them with your kids at the family meeting.
- Once you decide on your family values mission statement, write it on a board, or make a poster.
- Display it at every meeting or hang it on the wall where everyone can see it.
- Draw a cover page for your Family Meeting binder.
- Let the kids color it or design it.
- Take pride in your “Family Values Mission Statement.”
Tip #3 – Assign Household & Self-Care Chores to ALL KIDS
I raised four kids as a stay-at-home mom. The last thing I wanted was to feel like a servant to my family.
Didi
The worst thing that you can do for your kids is to let them think that they have someone who will wait on them and that they can order you around all day making polite requests like “mom! I’m hungry!” …That’s not real-life and it would be an awful life for you, too!
Being a mom is inherently made up of mundane daily chores and tasks anyway. YOU can’t do it ALL, nor should you try.
Now that I’m an empty nester (although it doesn’t feel empty) I find that keeping the house up is so much more work because I have to do everything by myself. There is no help. It’s a bit ironic.
- Historically, I always made chore charts using fill-in forms, but there are lots of choices these days. You can buy pre-made templates, pre-made pads, printable chore charts from the internet, or you can make your own using your computer or even just some basic art supplies.
- Laminate your chore chart to use it over and over again. Or, print enough for the month (one week at a time.)
- Block scheduling the chore chart always worked really well for me. Break the schedule down into: Morning (make bed, brush teeth), Afternoon, After School, Before Dinner (set the table), After Dinner (clear the table, dishes, etc.), Before Bedtime (brush teeth, shower, pick up the living areas.)
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Tip #4 – Create Weekly Printable Chore Charts For Each Child (Even Teenagers)
Chore charts help kids know what they have to do so that they don’t have to think about it. They just look on the list and follow through.
- Takes away nagging
- Keep the same chores long-term. This makes it easier to remember who is supposed to do what and there will be no arguing about it.
- Divide chores into sections according to your daily schedule. Morning, after school, after dinner, before bed.
- Start little kids with self-care (brushing teeth, make bed (pull back covers), and picking up their toys.
- Adjust the chores by age. Different ages can handle different responsibilities.
- For little kids, use pictures with short words.
Sample Block Schedule
Morning –
- Brush teeth
- Make bed
- Eat breakfast
- Make lunch
After school –
- Empty backpack
- Put away jacket
- Do Homework
- Empty lunch box
Before dinner –
- Set the table
After dinner –
- Clear the table
- Wipe down the dining room table
- Load the dishwasher
- Wipe down the counters
- Sweep the Floor
Ideally, these after-dinner jobs would be split up by everyone, including adults, and would NEVER be the responsibility of just one kid. That would be completely overwhelming!
CAUTION!: THIS SHOULD NOT BE DONE BY JUST ONE PARENT EITHER! WE ARE NOT SERVANTS AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THAT THEY NEED TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE WHOLE!
Before bedtime –
- Brush and floss your teeth,
- Shower
CLEAN-UP ROUTINE IDEAS
LIVING ROOM, BATHROOM, AND COMMON ROOMS
- Have a cleanup time before everyone gets ready for bed.
- Timer routines – Set a timer and play or sing a song to get kids motivated and energized. Do this at the same time every night.
- Pick up the floor and get ready for the robot vacuum (if you have one;)
- Let the little ones take turns turning it on.
- Everyone should put their belongings away or in the bin with their name on it.
- Clean all flat surfaces so that only 1-3 items of decor are left on it.
- Put bins with each kids’ name in a central location so they can put their stuff in them regularly and put them away before bedtime.
- Reduce the household clutter to make pick-up time easier.
- Have toy bins for little kids’ toys locally in the room where they play.
- Create printable checklists and laminate them for each room to check off before you leave it, especially common rooms like the bathrooms, living room, family room, and kitchen.
- Don’t attach self-care and everyday chores to an allowance. It’s a better idea to allow free time when responsibilities are completed.
- It is a good idea to make a reward or pay system for chores that are over and above a child’s personal responsibility, or even if you just want to give them an opportunity to work for money or a reward.
Happy Home Managing!
